I honestly don't know where to start. As most of you know, I have arrived back to the States a month early thanks to a Pandemic announcement and borders closing. While I am happy to be safe and home, I am devastated. Leaving early has been heartbreaking. This semester that I had been planning for years was cut short, friends were left behind so much earlier than planned, and we were returning to the mass chaos in the United States.
In my last post, I had mentioned the school closing and waiting to hear a response from Iowa State about returning or staying. Just a few hours before President Trump's ban on European travel, I had been told to enjoy the two weeks I had in Greece and that things were just fine. A speech at four in the morning changed everything. My stomach dropped and sleeping was impossible for the next few hours. I knew this was the end of my incredible semester.
The last few days have been a roller coaster of emotions. Of course I was sad and angry about leaving my program early, but so many other emotions continue to take their course that are impossible. The morning we learned about the ban was pure panic. A few students were on their way to the airport, no chance for goodbyes. The rest of us were attempting to change our flights home, waiting hours on the phone with travel agents and airlines. Eventually, booking a completely new flight was our only option. I had a day and a half to pack and finish everything I had planned, others were leaving in less than 24 hours.
Packing was exhausting. I had planned to send heavier things with my parents when they arrived in two weeks. With the souvenirs and extra clothes I had bought, fitting everything back into my suitcase was impossible. This is when the anger and frustration hit. Throwing clothes and screaming was a constant. I physically felt sick to my stomach. Focusing on something different was a necessity, so I left campus and went to my nail appointment (planned before because of my upcoming trip to Crete island).
Thursday night was painful. We had one last dinner all together, minus the students who had already begun their journey home. I sat with students who I really hadn't had the chance to get to know. The thought of leaving everyone behind, knowing I didn't get the time to truly meet everyone, was heartbreaking. Had we finished the trip, would we have spent more time together and formed more friendships? Not only were we leaving each other behind, we were leaving the full-time students. Because of the school closing, all Greek students were evacuated from the dorms. Assuming we would see everyone in two weeks, there weren't any goodbyes. Unfortunately, circumstances changed, leaving us with texted goodbyes and a lot of tears. These students were a huge part of our experience and we were forced to leave them all behind. The friendships I made while I was in Greece will hopefully last a lifetime. We all have memories and experiences that will keep us connected. I don't plan on giving up these friends, and I look forward to seeing them all again soon.
Holding back emotions was exhausting and eventually you had to break, usually at the worst time. Going into the city was emotional, since this was the last time. I needed my last souvenirs for friends and family and I needed to get away from the dorms and half full suitcases. Sitting and talking with my two friends who were left, emotions came back again. Not only was I devastated about my own trip, but the thought of everything else going on hit me. The NCAA tournament being cancelled, classes being cancelled, and likely graduation being cancelled, all ran through my mind. All my friends back home were also missing out on things - some being their last chance. Teachers not being able to say goodbye to students they had the last four years, international students either being stuck or sent home without saying goodbye, student teaching being affected. High school students might miss prom, graduation, and last track meets. All of us are missing out on things and plans are being changed for everyone. All we feel is numb.
I know most of you have told me how happy you are that I am home and safe, and I know nothing is meant behind it other than the relief you all feel that I am back and safe. Unfortunately, every time someone tells me how happy they are actually infuriates me. I am not happy I am home and I am not happy I am stuck in my house for 2 weeks. I can't see my friends or family and I was ripped away from my incredible semester. I don't want to throw my anger at any of you, but there is no happiness here right now. I don't want to talk about any of it - the weekends I did have, the semester in general, and especially getting sent home. I don't have a distraction for the next two weeks. Last night, I bawled for 45 minutes because I left my charger at my hotel in Chicago. I am holding back tears as I write this. Listening to Coronavirus shut down everything physically hurts me. I felt sick last night listening to new announcements and CDC recommendations. Coming home to this mess is exactly what I wanted to avoid...I had hoped another month would get us through the initial panic. Now, we sit and listen to it and hope it slows down in the next two weeks.
Please keep all of this in mind when you comment on my posts or see me in public. Don't ask me how I am, because I will lie and say I am fine. Know that this is an impossible situation that I am in, and discussing it any further devastates me even more. I will get over it eventually and we will all get through this. For now, please don't bring up Coronavirus to me, and please don't ask me my thoughts on everything that is happening. I am coping and completing my school work and soon I will be okay. Stay safe, everyone. Practice social distancing and support your local businesses - this will hurt them more than you know.
I plan to continue my blog, highlighting travel and transitioning into a baking and cooking experience. If you want to stay updated, be sure to subscribe or check back frequently. I'm glad I could take you all on my adventures the last few months!
Comments